Healthy Habits Archives - Serene Shift

How to Manage Anxiety and Panic Attacks More Effectively

sereneshift — Sat, 01 Aug 2020 22:18:37 +0000

How to Manage Anxiety and Panic Attacks More Effectively

How much time and mental energy do we spend stressing about what could occur tomorrow, next month, or next year? How often do we worry about trying to prevent something that might never happen?

Anxiety is the body’s way of responding to stressful situations, creating a fight-or-flight response in the face of danger. When your sympathetic nervous system activates, it increases heart rate and alertness, preparing you for action.

Occasional anxiety can be helpful when responding to a serious threat or in less deadly situations that need our attention, like preparing for a job interview.

Frequent anxiety and panic attacks, however, can be very harmful to mental and physical health. If you are constantly in activation mode, geared up for action and anxious and worried over everyday events, your body and mind can become debilitated.

Developing healthy habits to prevent and respond to anxiety is essential for staying calm, happy, and at your best. In this article, I’m explaining what you need to know about anxiety:

The causes and symptoms of anxiety
How to manage anxiety in the short and long term
How to get through panic attacks
Strategies for minimizing everyday anxiety and feeling calmer and more grounded

Types of Anxiety Disorders and Symptoms

We’ve all experienced anxiety at one time or another. It’s normal to sometimes worry about things like performing well at work or school, raising kids, and going on a first date.

Anxiety disorders go beyond normal worrying. People with anxiety disorders experience frequent, intense, and persistent worry about everyday scenarios. Common symptoms include the following.

Feeling nervous, tense, or restless
A sense of panic or impending doom
Trouble focusing on anything but worrying
Feeling weak or tired
Fatigue and/or trouble sleeping
Higher than normal heart rate
Sweating and/or trembling
Hyperventilation

Anxiety disorders come in many forms. Below are three of the most common types.

Generalized anxiety disorder: Excessive worrying or fear for little or no reason. The worry and fear can be constant and debilitating.
Panic disorder: Sudden and overwhelming fear that triggers a panic attack. Symptoms of a panic attack include chest pain, excessive sweating, noticeable heartbeat (palpitations), and shortness of breath.
Social anxiety disorder: Intense worrying or self-consciousness in social situations. People with social anxiety disorder may obsess over being embarrassed in front of others.

What Causes Anxiety?

Triggers are cues in the environment which can lead to anxiety. They can be external or caused internally via the senses. Common anxiety triggers include:

Sensations (such as smell or touch) that remind you of a traumatic event, such as a medical emergency
Revisiting traumatic areas, like a certain room or street
Overwhelming environments
Thoughts of the future or past
Thoughts about something you haven’t finished
Focusing on something you wished was different or didn’t happen
Financial stress
Health conditions and/or medications
Thinking about anxiety (anxiety or panic attacks can be triggered by the mere thought of having anxiety)

Normally, anxiety is a natural and temporary response to stress. However, it is important to note that frequent feelings of anxiety condition our brains to have more anxiety in the future.

If you’ve gone through this and now experience constant anxiety or fear that becomes overwhelming, you may be dealing with an anxiety disorder.

How to Manage Anxiety

Shifting to a healthier, more sustainable way of thinking is not easy. How does anyone break unhealthy habits? The answer is: greater awareness.

Our brains are so complex, yet can be simple when we really understand the wiring that forms unhealthy results. To alter unhealthy habits, our brains need new information in order to carve out new pathways that lead to different results.

By noticing the negative results of your actions–for example, worrying about tomorrow immediately makes it more difficult to breathe–you become more aware of your behavior and sensations.

This creates more clarity and understanding so you can begin to “uncondition” your brain and have a healthier attachment with anxiety. You can find a path to reset your brain and create more effective behavior. The more aware you are, the less overwhelming anxiety and panic attacks will be.

To address anxiety long-term:

1. Pay attention to your triggers.

2. Notice how they make you feel.

3. Be curious and investigate the behaviors they create.

Greater awareness can help to reset unhealthy behaviors and improve health and quality of life in the long run.

For your day-to-day needs, try implementing one of the following strategies. Once you’ve mastered that one, move on to the others.

1. Breath into anxiety

Anxiety can cause shallow breathing or shortness of breath, which can sometimes lead to even greater anxiety. In these moments, focus on your breathing. Mindful breathing is an easy way to relieve anxiety, decrease stress and depression, and help with chronic pain.

1. Sit or stand in a quiet area. Close your eyes.

2. Put your hands on your stomach.

3. Breathe in “calm” through your nose for 5 counts, hold for 5 counts. Open your mouth and breath out “anxiety” for 5 counts.

4. Notice your stomach rise and fall. Feel your heartbeat slow and become more even.

5. Do this 5 times.

6. Ask: What do you notice in your body?

Quick tip: Many of my patients also find it helpful to count breaths in order to calm themselves. For example, breathe in on 1, breath out on 2. Repeat, continuing to count 1-2, 1-2, or count up to 10 before starting over.

2. Examine your body (Body Scan)

In moments of extreme anxiety, shift your attention and focus to your physical sensations in your body.

Can you hear your heart beating?
Do you notice more sensations in the right or left side of your chest?
Do you feel heat in your chest?
Does your chest feel heavy or hollow?
What do you notice in your stomach?
Do you notice pressure, tension, tightness, emptiness, heaviness, heat, a prickly feeling, unease, pain, fidgeting, restlessness?
How does your jaw feel?

Embrace your attention with curiosity. The more specific and curious you are with the sensations in your body, the more resilience you will build when experiencing anxiety symptoms.

This is one technique that will guide you to lean toward your difficult sensations (resilience and strength) rather than resisting them (which makes anxiety symptoms worse).

3. Notice what you are experiencing

One quick tip that I often share with my patients: bring awareness to what is already happening. When a panic attack hits, recognize that you’re having a panic attack and know that it will eventually pass.

Accept that you know what is happening, you know what to do, and that you will be okay. Remember that when you recognize your triggers, you are better prepared to handle triggers differently.

4. Build practical and daily routines

Having a practical daily routine creates space for you to feel secure, clear your mind, and ground yourself for your day. This will maximize your chances of being able to handle anxiety or panic more effectively and enhance your ability to regulate difficult emotions.

To start your routine, wake up a little earlier than you need to start your day. Spend 5 minutes in the morning alone to ground yourself.

For example: wake up, close your eyes for a body scan, then do 10 segments of short breathing exercises (counting 1-2, 1-2, etc.). Finish off by writing 3 things you are most thankful for today. When you get in the shower, bring attention to how the water feels on your back.

Also, give your body what it needs to thrive throughout the day. Eating a healthy diet is essential to good physical and mental health. Some foods in particular have been linked with reduced anxiety:

Salmon
Chamomile tea and green tea
Yogurt and other probiotic foods
Dark chocolate
Turmeric

Be sure to eat properly portioned meals at regular intervals to keep your energy levels consistent.

Lastly, don’t forget about the importance of sleep and exercise to your health. Anxiety can manifest physically in the body, especially if experienced long-term. Going to sleep and waking up at the same time every day takes care of your body and mind, injects calmness into your life, and minimizes anxiety.

5. Limit news and social media

In this fast-paced world, FOMO (the fear of missing out) can leave us glued to social media and news outlets. Endless feeds can make us addicted to the constant stream of information, much of which is negative and dramatic.

Experts call our addiction to negative news “doom scrolling.” This behavior can significantly contribute to anxiety and panic attacks.

Be aware of how actions affect your mental health. Notice what increases anxiety, such as ingesting too much news or social media. Assess whether you are more anxious after watching hours of the news and whether it is difficult for you to unplug from the constant stimulation.

These are indications that you may need to minimize news and social media. Ask yourself, “Is watching/reading/listening to this going to be helpful for me?” If the answer is no, realize that you have the control to walk away from something that is harmful to you.

6. Don’t avoid your anxiety — focus on what you can change

When faced with anxiety and/or panic attacks it’s often tempting to avoid triggers altogether, but trying to distract yourself from symptoms will also increase symptoms.

If you notice the symptoms coming, let them come. Ask yourself, “In this moment, what do I have control of?” Then, continue to identify your triggers and work on building a healthy response to anxiety-inducing situations in order to build resilience.

If you need assistance along the way, I am an experienced psychologist who specializes in anxiety disorders, depression, and more. I help patients “reset” ingrained thinking spirals that cause and exacerbate anxiety, and guide them toward a more serene life.

Contact me now to schedule a virtual appointment.

The post How to Manage Anxiety and Panic Attacks More Effectively appeared first on Serene Shift.

5 Marriage Issues That Can Lead to Divorce (and How to Fix Them)

sereneshift — Thu, 09 Jul 2020 17:38:23 +0000

5 Marriage Issues That Can Lead to Divorce (and How to Fix Them)

We live in a fast-paced world full of rapid delivery, quick fixes, and immediate communication over high-speed internet. Primed to expect instant gratification, we can find a relationship with our intimate partner to be frustrating; it takes a lot of work, intention, trial and error, and experience.

Sometimes, things don’t always go as planned. The good news is that most struggling marriages experience a similar handful of problems and that these issues are fixable if both people are committed to the relationship.

Below, I explain five common marriage problems that can lead to divorce–and how to fix them to get your marriage back on track.

COMMON MARRIAGE PROBLEMS & THEIR SOLUTIONS

1. Unproductive fighting

Every marriage goes through periods of adversity. Fighting is expected. What sets successful marriages apart from others is learning how to fight in healthy ways, which can shift resentment into growth.

Most struggling married couples that I see in my practice tend to focus on who is “right” and who is “wrong,” which keeps them running on the hamster wheel of more pain and dissatisfaction. Let’s be honest, we all know how badly that feels.

How to move forward:

Remember that all human beings have the same need: to feel secure. We need to feel safe in our environment to function well.

In a marriage, this can get very complicated; if we fear our partner will leave, our fear of being left can turn into anger about being abandoned (emotionally, physically or sexually). All of this complicates our ability to communicate well and to “fight well.”

Learn what is going on with your partner underneath the verbal chatter. I encourage couples to focus on the physiological clues in their partner’s communications: body language, voice tone, facial expression, eye contact, body positioning, fluctuating breath, physical tics, etc.

Because body language can communicate much more than verbal language, focusing on it can leave spouses more attuned to each other’s wavelengths and encourage positive communication habits, such as active listening and responding.

It can also lead to body language mirroring between spouses, which may strengthen the relationship and translate to better verbal communication as well. In my experience, better communication means a better relationship.

2. Infidelity

The most important distinction between a friend who shares a connection with you and your marital partner is sex. We typically do not have sex with our friends, we have sex with our partner. As a result, we have a much stronger level of trust, loyalty, priority, and security with our partner.

When a spouse or partner cheats and breaks that bond, it can lead to a variety of negative effects in both people:

Loss of trust in the cheating partner
Feelings of anger, confusion, betrayal, shame, and guilt
A sense of emotional instability or loss
Decreased intimacy between partners, including sexual intimacy
Damaged confidence and self-esteem
Impacts to other areas of life, such as decreased work productivity or changes in relationships with other family members (e.g., children)

How to move forward:

Infidelity can be one of the most difficult relationship hurdles to overcome but it is possible to move forward.

In my practice, I often work with couples and individuals who are struggling with various marriage and relationship issues, including infidelity. Some spouses decide to work through it and we use couples therapy to help them get their relationship back to a good place. We explore issues and negative feelings around the infidelity and rebuild communication channels and trust.

Other times, couples decide to separate and we work through their divorce in a safe space. I act as a neutral third-party to help them communicate, focus on finding calm in the chaos, and course through separation step by step.

At that point, I frequently work with former spouses individually to help them discover what life looks like after divorce and how they can grow and maintain a sense of self. Who am I after my relationship? What is my life going to be like? How can I help my kids get through this? Those are the questions I help my patients to answer.

If you need help responding to infidelity in your relationship, schedule an appointment with me now.

3. Cultural differences or misaligned expectations

Every culture has its own relationship norms, gender roles, and ways of communicating, which can make relationships across cultures challenging for many couples. In my practice I frequently see Chinese-American couples or mixed-culture relationships (one Chinese partner and one American partner) struggling to navigate cultural differences, honoring their Chinese culture while also navigating American customs.

The most common marriage problem among these couples is mismatched expectations. For example, the husband believes that his spouse should be a mother and housekeeper while the wife wants to put off having kids to pursue her career.

Or, the wife believes that her husband should be more communicative of his feelings while the husband believes that men should be stoic.

How to move forward:

Communication is the best way to overcome mismatched expectations in a relationship. Share your culture with your partner and discuss some of the assumptions you bring to the relationship due to your background.

For example, if you and your spouse constantly argue over childcare duties, set aside some time to calmly talk about why.

Do you expect your spouse to stay at home and take care of the children throughout the day because that is the standard in your culture? Or do you expect your working spouse to contribute to childcare and house chores because your culture encourages an equal division of labor among spouses?

If you feel that your spouse is not as expressive in his or her feelings as you would like, discuss whether that behavior is typical in your spouse’s culture and why you expect your spouse to be open.

Not all relationship problems are caused by cultural differences, but you may be surprised how often culture and past experiences inform our expectations of our romantic partners.

4. Stagnation

At the beginning of a relationship, everything is fun and new. It’s easy to be in love and feel strongly connected as a couple.

Then, life gets busy. As time goes on, couples may feel like they’re no longer in sync or growing together. This can lead to resentment and other negative feelings about the relationship, which in turn pushes spouses further apart. It’s a vicious cycle that sometimes results in divorce.

How to move forward:

To reconnect with your spouse and grow closer as a couple, recreate the playfulness at the beginning of your relationship.

Plan small adventures, like getting away for the weekend or doing a fun cooking night at home.
Recreate past dates you both enjoyed and talk about your goals for the future.
Aim to do one kind thing for your spouse every day.

These are simple ways to build trust, reestablish connection, and remove resentment in your relationship.

5. Not adapting to change

Healthy, grounded people create healthy relationships. When relationships suffer, the individuals within those relationships also tend to suffer. If you are struggling in your marriage, it’s time to prioritize self-care in addition to focusing on your relationship with your significant other.

How to move forward:

When your relationship is shifting, being adaptable to change can help you get through the tough times.

Embracing change will help you maintain your sense of self and stay grounded even when things feel fast-paced or chaotic. A lot of times our natural inclination is to push back against change, but change can be a great thing for yourself and your relationship.

It starts with embracing change as a positive thing and learning to respond to all situations–even rough patches in your marriage–in a healthy way. Try the following tips to be more open to change and build a healthier marriage.

Understand that you both are constantly changing, evolving people. You will need to accept and embrace the new person you are today and do the same for your spouse, every day.
Never stop being curious. Try new things, learn new things about your spouse, and share things about yourself.
If you notice small things starting to annoy you or breed resentment, address them early on before they turn into big issues.

Big changes can be more of a challenge to overcome. If you need help with that or other marriage problems, including discussing divorce or getting through a divorce, I offer virtual appointments on a flexible schedule.

Schedule an appointment at Serene Shift now.

The post 5 Marriage Issues That Can Lead to Divorce (and How to Fix Them) appeared first on Serene Shift.

Forget Homeschooling, It’s More Important to Keep Kids Mentally Healthy

sereneshift — Wed, 20 May 2020 23:30:14 +0000

Forget Homeschooling, It’s More Important to Keep Kids Mentally Healthy

In these strange times, many of us have new family priorities and responsibilities. These might include working from home while homeschooling the children, taking care of parents or elderly relatives, and helping kids adjust to new, chaotic surroundings or respond to the death of a loved one.

It’s tough to know what to prioritize and how.

I understand that and am here to tell you that right now, it’s more important to keep kids mentally healthy than to homeschool them — and it’s more important for parents to stay sane than to try to do everything “right.”

Why is homeschooling so tough right now?

Homeschooling is usually a carefully planned choice made by parents who have the time, skills, and resources to make it work in the long-term. After all, developing and implementing an age-appropriate curriculum requires a significant time commitment.

During this global emergency, many of us parents have had homeschooling thrust upon us, on top of working and tackling more financial and household responsibilities than ever.

Not surprisingly, we’ve found out just how difficult it is to make this arrangement work. Younger children can find formal learning challenges even at the best of times, but particularly when they are away from the structured school environment and without the company of their peers.

Add the fact that we are living in highly unusual circumstances, separated from friends and family, and it’s no wonder that children may be resisting our efforts to engage with anything academic!

Parents, meanwhile, may be dealing with a lack of support from their children’s schools and/or a huge amount of homeschooling work that seems impossible to complete. Many parents report feeling anxious when they see an email or text message arrive from their child’s school.

How to address homeschooling challenges

If you and/or your children find homeschooling too stressful or anxiety-inducing, protect your mental health by ignoring or unsubscribing from communications until you feel calmer and more equipped to deal with them.

It may also be helpful to call your child’s teacher, if he or she is available, and let them know that identifying one or two key tasks per week would be more useful than a neverending stream of suggestions.

Remember that any work is not compulsory and your child will not be penalized if it isn’t done. The best way to approach anything sent by your children’s schools is to consider it a resource to leverage as you please, rather than the ticking time bomb of stress-producing homework.

Consider these less stressful homeschooling alternatives

Textbooks aren’t the only way to learn during coronavirus lockdown. There are many creative activities that provide great learning for kids, without binding them to traditional educational methods.

Creative activities are equally valuable for developing existing skills along with acquiring new ones, and the following activities are perfect for young children:

Drawing, coloring, and painting
Modeling with dough or clay
Reading together
Singing (particularly nursery rhymes)
Counting (whether this is beads and blocks or butterflies!)
Water or sand play
Den building

For older children, try these learning activities:

Brain puzzles like Sudoku, crosswords, and word searches
Free reading — feel free to move away from curriculum and let them choose their own materials
Online learning for kids, such as spelling or math apps
Jigsaw puzzles
Playing musical instruments or instructional video games
Baking and cooking
Planting a vegetable garden
Building with Legos
Listening to TED Talks
Researching topics online and presenting findings as a talk or powerpoint
Writing emails to family and friends
Watching educational and age-appropriate YouTube videos

Just remember that children need downtime to relax and recharge between meaningful activities. What this looks like depends on the needs of the individual child, but might include calling friends or family members, watching their favorite TV shows, playing games, reading, running in the garden, or playing with toys.

It’s also important that amidst the chaos, we find a few quiet moments with our children. Read, hug, or watch a movie. Talking to kids openly and honestly about the current situation, and the fact that even adults are trying to come to terms with these uncertain times, is the best way to help them manage overwhelming feelings.

A good rule of thumb is to listen first and talk second, letting your children lead the way with conversations about coronavirus and mental health.

How to build a routine that doesn’t revolve around homeschooling

Under any circumstances, children thrive with a good routine. Now more than ever, predictability is important in helping your child feel safe and secure.

Try to get up, do your morning routine, and eat breakfast at the same time. Build a couple of meaningful activities into your day and allow plenty of time for daily exercise, free play, and relaxation. Stick to your child’s usual bath and bedtime routine — getting enough sleep is vital.

You can also help protect your child’s mental health by ensuring that they eat a reasonably balanced diet that’s low in sugar and high in vegetables and whole grains, with lots of healthy snacks. Also feel free to indulge with sugary treats every once in a while.

Focus on your biggest responsibility

Right now, our job as parents must include showing our children how to manage anxiety in a healthy way. Anxiety is a recurring part of life and this is the perfect opportunity to teach children how to cope with it and respond with strength.

We can do this by being in the moment and staying adaptive to an ever-changing environment. Focus on what you have control over in the here and now, like the physical sensations in your body. Build awareness of how you feel in the present moment instead of thinking what might come to be in the future. Teach your child these strategies as well.

Also, help your child identify his or her worst fear. Get specific. Gaining clarity over exactly what we fear most oftentimes expands our acceptance and brings a sense of calm — we think “Hey, I can handle that.” This can lead to inner resilience and strength.

If children are struggling with anxiety, depression, isolation, eating disorders, or other negative behaviors, arrange for them to speak to a professional.

Lastly, it’s important to schedule time out for ourselves wherever possible. When we’re feeling calm and relaxed, it’s easier to keep our anxieties about homeschooling and parenting in perspective.

Tip: Check out these 9 self-care tips to beat isolation and loneliness.

Go easy on yourself and enjoy being a parent

Coping with the COVID-19 outbreak is a huge challenge, and we’re all anxious about the impact of the crisis on our children’s education and future prospects.

Instead of allowing our worries about homeschooling to spiral out of control, pursuing unrealistic targets and berating ourselves when we fail to meet them, we can focus on what can be done in the here and now to protect our own and our children’s mental health.

If you need help navigating these tough times and dealing with parenting challenges, relationship issues, depression, overwhelm, fear, anxiety, or similar issues, please schedule a virtual telehealth appointment with me.

I am offering a sliding scale for anyone who needs assistance.

The post Forget Homeschooling, It’s More Important to Keep Kids Mentally Healthy appeared first on Serene Shift.

Coronavirus: 5 Hidden Positives the Media Doesn’t Talk About

sereneshift — Sat, 02 May 2020 00:53:30 +0000

Coronavirus: 5 Hidden Positives the Media Doesn’t Talk About

There’s no denying that times are tough. The COVID-19 outbreak has affected each of us emotionally, financially, and physically, with drowning media coverage continuously reporting negative news. It’s easy to lose sight of the positive parts of life.

In fact, as humans we are programmed to exaggerate external threats and danger. Although this kept us safe during our hunter-gatherer days, it’s not a particularly healthy behavior during a pandemic–it just leads to the global panic and anxiety that we’ve seen recently.

This is an opportunity for us to enhance our lives in a much more meaningful way, bringing good lessons with us as we emerge from this dark phase into a different and possibly better world. When there is a crisis, there is always space for a new light to shine through.

Let’s pause and take a moment to examine some of the good things that can arise during hard times. Below are just a few of the hidden positives about the coronavirus crisis that the media isn’t talking about.

1. Learning that some of the best things in life are free

During a crisis, our attention often gets redirected toward things we typically take for granted. When people have asthma, they may feel more grateful for breathing air into their lungs. Struggling with diabetes can provide an opportunity to shift our focus to appreciate eating healthy food that allows our bodies to feel balanced and energized. Someone with a broken arm may notice better movement in their shoulders.

Likewise, instead of dwelling on what we’ve lost during the coronavirus outbreak, many of us are finding new sources of fulfillment. It’s not that we don’t miss our “old” lives–of course we all do. But we’re also discovering simple pleasures that enrich daily life and don’t cost much.

My friends who loved eating out, going on exotic vacations, and visiting the gym daily before the coronavirus outbreak are now taking exploratory walks around their neighborhoods, learning to draw, and studying another language.

People all over the world are joining home workout groups online, where they encourage each other and share their progress. Virtual book clubs are on the rise and Joe Wicks, the now famous P.E. teacher, is leading free online exercise classes for kids.

Once lockdown is over, we may find that spending money is no longer our go-to when we’re looking for a fun way to fill the hours. Simply spending time together, pursuing a new hobby, or enjoying the great outdoors may be enough.

2. Expanding resilience and inner strength

Though many of us are experiencing unprecedented levels of anxiety and uncertainty, we’re also coping admirably under very difficult circumstances, drawing on strength and resilience we didn’t know we had.

Families are making do with less, finding creative ways to use what’s in their pantries and around the house to stay fed and entertained. Spouses and partners are finding ways to work through relationship challenges in close quarters, even strengthening their bond during these tough times.

Recently unemployed professionals are fighting through the anxiety and uncertainty every day, continuing to have hope for the future. Many of us are also taking time for ourselves–something that often gets relegated to the bottom of the to-do list in “normal” times.

Although we didn’t ask for this situation, we can get through it stronger than ever. Let’s focus on building up our reserves by practicing great self care, rather than allowing them to be depleted by a constantly evolving situation that brings new stresses on a daily basis.

We can take advantage of having a little more downtime than usual by learning to practice mindfulness and meditation, calming and centering techniques that can be built into our daily lives to help us face uncertainty with greater resilience.

It’s also important to practice greater self-compassion as we navigate this difficult time, and allow ourselves to feel a range of often conflicting emotions without judgment.

3. Really connecting with others

Instead of destroying or diminishing the bonds between separated loved ones, the COVID-19 outbreak has strengthened friendships and family ties, with many of us making more effort than ever before to stay in touch with those we usually depend on… and not just via social media and email, but by picking up the phone to hear their voice or see their face.

We’re appreciating our loved ones better than ever, remembering how much we need their practical and emotional support. Many of us are also making new connections during the crisis, through helping elderly and vulnerable neighbors, using social media to network for employment opportunities, and forming online support groups to share knowledge around issues like homeschooling.

Examples of kindness and generosity are evident on all social media platforms, with strangers helping each other track down job opportunities and supporting each other with motivational words.

These new friendships will outlast the current crisis and make us more attentive to the needs of those who live around us. We may also find it easier to ask for help when we need it in the future.

4. Taking a break from busy

Waking up without an action-packed to do list each day can be an unusual and challenging experience. We’re so accustomed to filling every waking moment with frantic activity that an abundance of downtime can feel foreign. Given a little time to adjust, it can also feel fantastic!

We are finally slowing down. Over-productivity, over-consumption, over-working, addiction, living in the past or future, trying to complete your entire to-do list–these are all imbalances COVID-19 can help us overcome.

I’ve heard from several parents who are enjoying a break from their fast-paced daily routine of working, helping with homework, chauffeuring kids to activities, getting ready for bed, and trying to fit in house chores. They’re using their newfound freedom and time to play board games with the kids, enjoy baking together, and making up games in the backyard.

None of us would have chosen this as our preferred way to rediscover free time, but a lot of us are grateful to take a break from busyness nonetheless. Without the need to live our lives at breakneck speed right now, we are embracing a new sense of acceptance. We’re learning how to mindfully inhabit the moment and find greater balance and calm.

5. Remembering what is most important

Raise your hand if you’re giving your family, health, and home a little more TLC lately. Getting caught up in a crisis has a unique way of showing us what is really important: our loved ones, good health, wellbeing, and surroundings.

The coronavirus outbreak has given us the opportunity to take stock and ask ourselves: Am I spending my time and energy on what really matters? Am I showing the right amount of care and compassion that I, and my loved ones, deserve? Am I communicating enough how much I appreciate them?

Instead of seeing the lockdown purely as a burden, many of us are beginning to regard this time as an opportunity to assess the way we usually live, and change our habits for the better.

We’re becoming more mindful of our health and kinder to our bodies. During normal times, it’s easy to get wrapped up in maintaining a certain physical appearance because we think that’s the key to looking good or feeling happy. We may even get plastic surgery to achieve these goals. During lockdown, many of us are focused more on staying healthy than trying to achieve an unrealistic body image.
We are more appreciative of how our society operates. We’re aware of the complex chain of production, supply, and maintenance that allows us to live the way we live.
We’re caring for others and reconnecting as a community. Being considerate of others is what defines our DNA and reminds us how we are all uniquely connected. Connection is what builds inner strength, not separation.

The world isn’t all sunny right now, but I think those are things to be grateful for… and that gratitude can actually help us get through this.

When we express gratitude, our brains release dopamine and serotonin, two neurotransmitters that provide an instant natural ‘lift.’ Practicing gratitude regularly and purposefully allows us to increase the default levels of these chemicals in our brains, leaving us happier on a daily basis. Gratitude is better for our health and better for those around us.

Focusing on the positives is not easy, but it is important

The world has weathered many storms and through it all, human beings have amazingly endured.

It’s up to us how we view the time we must spend on lockdown and where we place our energies during the outbreak. We can spend it focused on negative news outlets or on the positives that help us come out of this better than before.

I know this is easier said than done. If you’re experiencing depression, anxiety, fear, panic disorders, social isolation and loneliness, relationship or parenting challenges, and similar challenges, please reach out to me.

I’m here to help you and your family get through these hard times, and am available for virtual telehealth sessions using Zoom. I am also offering a sliding payment scale for anyone who needs assistance.

The post Coronavirus: 5 Hidden Positives the Media Doesn’t Talk About appeared first on Serene Shift.

[Coronavirus] 7 Secrets to a Happy Marriage in Close Quarters

sereneshift — Tue, 14 Apr 2020 19:50:14 +0000

[Coronavirus] 7 Secrets to a Happy Marriage in Close Quarters

With most states under “shelter in place” orders due to COVID-19, you’re probably spending more time at home with your partner than ever before. Tight quarters mixed with anxiety, fear, financial constraints, and uncertainty… well, that can create some difficult emotions.

Going through relationship issues is expected and absolutely okay! The good news is that this can be an opportunity for you to strengthen the parts of your relationship that need nourishing attention.

I’m sharing my insights gathered over years of counseling spouses and partners through a variety of relationship issues, as well as guiding couples through divorce. Here’s how to build a happy marriage in tight quarters.

1- Clear, respectful communication

Positive communication is essential throughout any great marriage, but even more important during the tough times. When things are chaotic, thoughtful and consistent communication with your partner can ease tensions and create a more harmonious living environment.

Create a list of personal boundaries you and your spouse might need. For example, when you first wake up in the morning, perhaps you need 10 minutes of alone time to check emails before any coffee or intimate interaction. Creating and honoring necessary boundaries will hopefully encourage more positive interactions and minimize negative ones.

When something does bother you, resist the temptation to “punish” your partner with the silent treatment or brooding until things boil over. Calmly and clearly discuss how to change or stop the behaviors that are causing you stress.

Try to focus on yourself and your own emotions rather than focusing on what your partner is doing or not doing. Homing in on what your partner “lacks” or is “doing wrong” will only exacerbate the situation.

If things become heated, take a bath or a walk to balance your emotions and brain. Continue a discussion only when you’re able to respond to your partner with control and intention, which will strengthen your bond.

Respectful communication habits like these will ensure that you’re treating your spouse as an ally, a loved one, and a source of support and comfort rather than as an enemy. Oftentimes, couples going through a divorce report that they and their former spouse stopped positively communicating long before deciding upon separation (and in fact, may be separating because of the lack of communication).

2- Dedicated date time

Carve out some time to reconnect with your partner every day, giving each other time and space to talk about your feelings, anxieties, and goals, and challenges. Do this whenever it works for your schedule, such as first thing in the morning or after the kids go to bed.

When you have a little more time to spend, don’t forget those weekly date nights! You may have to get a little more creative but that’s no reason to stop. Here are just a few ideas for indoor date nights:

Cooking a fancy meal together
Snuggling on the couch with a movie
Listening to an audiobook while sharing a bottle of your favorite wine
Playing a board game
Enjoying a collaborative video game, like Lovers in a Dangerous Spacetime, Overcooked! 2, or Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes, a playful bomb defusal video game that requires clear communication and team strategizing to solve puzzles
Channeling your inner child and building a fort to cuddle in

Making dedicated date time a part of your routine reaffirms your commitment to building your marriage during difficult times–even if all you can spare is 10 minutes a day or a few hours per week.

3- Walking a mile in their shoes

Appreciate that your husband or wife is experiencing his/her own unique set of pressures and anxieties that may be completely different to yours.

For example, if your spouse was the main breadwinner and is now furloughed from their job, they may feel guilty about their current inability to provide. Or, if he/she is now trying to manage the kids’ e-learning, they may be floundering in their new role as teacher and stay-at-home parents.

Embrace compassion (for your spouse and yourself) and understand that we’re all doing our best. If they are frustrated in their new role and you’re frustrated at their negative feelings, take a moment to put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Practice compassion and empathy.

This will help you to understand the motivations behind their behaviors, so you have the emotional bandwidth to offer gentle support rather than harsh criticism. When you need support, ask your spouse to practice compassion in return. It’s more important than ever to face problems as a united front, which can help you build a stronger and happier marriage.

4- Keeping in touch

During lockdown, it may seem like members of the family are on top of each other–but you may actually be touching your partner less than normal as you grapple with anxieties about the current crisis.

Humans aren’t meant to be isolated; we’re stronger together. Reach out and touch your partner. Try a warm and reassuring hug, a gentle hand on the arm when the kids are pushing boundaries, a loving kiss, or more intimate touching if the mood is right.

Simple touches can go a long way. It naturally helps to build a happy marriage by communicating “I’m here with you” and releases the mood boosting hormone serotonin while lowering the stress hormone cortisol.

5- Self-care for you and your spouse

During this stressful period, you may find yourself neglecting the self-care you’d normally practice in favor of caring for others and taking on additional responsibilities.

If you don’t look after yourself during this difficult time, however, there will be nothing left to offer your partner or children. “Put your own oxygen mask on first” is a cliche, but it’s a cliche for a reason: you must take care of yourself to be able to give to others.

There are many ways to practice self-care during lockdown and alleviate rising stress, anxiety, and negative emotions–check out my favorite self-care tips designed to beat loneliness and isolation.

If you can’t find the time for self-care around caring for kids and doing chores, make a plan with your partner. Switch off taking care of the kids to give your spouse the opportunity to unwind or choose a code word to indicate self-care emergencies.

Tip: When it’s your turn to care for the kids, use these strategies to be present and connect more fully with them.

6- Rearranging your living space

Do you and/or your spouse need to work from home during lockdown? This is an easy road to arguments over how space, work time, and childcare are divided.

To minimize the stress of co-working and cohabitating, designate areas of your home for work, relaxation, and playtime. Move furniture if necessary, declutter spaces, and commit to keeping them clean and tidy. Discuss open/closed door policies so you and your spouse can both enjoy your space.

If you don’t have the space to designate two office areas, devise a schedule so that one partner takes the space for several hours before switching. This is also helpful if you’re juggling work with childcare, as everyone knows where they should be and what they should be doing at any given time–avoiding arguments over who takes responsibility for what tasks.

7- Imagining the future

It’s easy to get so caught up with daily struggles that we forget to look to the future. Someday this crisis will be over and life will return to normal, perhaps even better than it was before. Brainstorm some things you’d like to do with your partner, friends, and family when this is all over:

Vacations
Big career goals
Significant personal events like renewing wedding vows, planning for a baby, or moving
Smaller everyday things like returning to your favorite restaurant or gym
Long-term life goals

Making plans creates excitement over the future, provides something to look forward to, and most importantly, gives you something to build your marriage toward. Enjoy dreaming about your big and small goals, and enjoy being with your spouse in mindful ways while at home together.

If you need some extra marriage or relationship guidance during these stressful times, I offer virtual telehealth sessions using Zoom and can work around your schedule. I am also offering a sliding scale for anyone who needs assistance.

Please schedule your virtual telehealth appointment with me now.

The post [Coronavirus] 7 Secrets to a Happy Marriage in Close Quarters appeared first on Serene Shift.

Self-Care During Coronavirus: 9 Tips to Beat Loneliness and Isolation

sereneshift — Mon, 23 Mar 2020 17:05:50 +0000

Self-Care During Coronavirus: 9 Tips to Beat Loneliness and Isolation.

With California recently announcing a statewide shelter in place order aimed at preventing the spread of Coronavirus, it looks like many of us are going to be hunkered down at home for the foreseeable future.

While good for public health, this isolation can take a toll on your psyche. Under the best of times, retreating from the world can easily lead to loneliness, anxiety and depression, and physical symptoms related to these mental health challenges.

Add in the additional stresses that millions of us are now dealing with–health concerns, job loss, worrying about bills, keeping kids engaged with e-learning–and the chances of feeling isolated, lonely, and anxious go way up. Fortunately, there are steps you can take during Coronavirus lockdown to:

Ward off loneliness
Feel connected with your community and social circles
De-stress
Feel less anxious
Establish good, balanced mental health

Read on to discover these strategies for better self-care during challenging times.

1-Name your emotions

Take a moment to assess how you’re feeling. Do you feel anxious? Depressed? Overwhelmed?

Try naming your emotions and identifying the feeling with an explanation. For example, “I’m anxious in my chest right now because I’m worried about draining my finances.” It sounds simple, but it really can help you calmly assess your emotions and lead to a greater sense of control and balance.

2-Find a routine that works for you

Humans are habitual creatures. Routines are comforting and help us make sense of life’s chaos. If you’re no longer going into the office or attending happy hour like normal, you might feel a little lost or unproductive.

Create a new routine. Set realistic, manageable goals for yourself and follow a ritual that makes sense for you.

Maintain good sleep hygiene: Wake up and go to bed at the same time every day. Keep your bedroom a quiet, calm space.
Exercise in any way you can–if possible, get outside and go on a walk with your spouse or your dog.
Eat a healthy, balanced diet, with set mealtimes and regular snacks.
Set boundaries between work from home time and personal time.
Feel free to binge Netflix but be mindful of how many hours you spend in front of the TV.

3-Keep in touch (without touching)

Suddenly being cut off from friends, family, coworkers, and small everyday social interactions can severely impact your mental health during times of crisis. Positive social support improves our resilience for coping with stress, even when practiced at a distance.

Catch up with your next door neighbors over the garden fence (keeping a distance of at least 6 feet) or host an event from your balcony.

4-Use tech tools

Use FaceTime or Skype for video calling. These are not only great tools for remote working and communicating with friends and family, they are also a fantastic way to keep small children occupied on a call with grandparents while you take care of household chores or catch up on work. Businesses are even using video tools to host virtual happy hours.

Email, text messages, and messaging apps (WhatsApp, Slack, etc.) can also help you feel like part of the group again.

Start group messages for family where you regularly check in and share updates
Swap photos of your creative indoor activities with friends
Create a thread with your coworkers where you share your best moments from the day, favorite work from home tips, and maybe even photos of your fluffy coworkers (your pets!)

5-Be “social”… but not too social

Sites like Twitter and Facebook can be a breeding ground for gossip and misinformation about Coronavirus, so exercise caution. Instead of endlessly scrolling through posts containing conflicting information, use social media to join support groups for those in similar situations to yourself, such as those homeschooling their kids or supporting elderly relatives.

6-Enjoy quality time with housemates

If you’re in Coronavirus lockdown with family members or roommates, check in with the people you are living with. This is a great opportunity to work on your existing relationships and spend quality time together, from playing with your kids in the garden or enjoying family activities like baking and painting. Coming together in these moments is a great way to collectively fight anxiety and depression.

7-Enjoy quality time with yourself

Looking after yourself well, and learning how and when to soothe yourself when lockdown or social distancing get tough, will be essential to getting through the coming weeks and months. Here are just a few ideas.

Treat yourself to a DIY massage, manicure, or pedicure.
Take a hot bath.
Curl up with a good book.
Write in a journal.
Try a fitness or yoga routine from YouTube.
Do guided meditation.
Doodle or enjoy a coloring book.

8-Know yourself

Some people can be more prone to feelings of anxiety, depression, or loneliness during social distancing and lockdown, such as people with a history of these challenges, elderly people who live alone, single parents with young children, and those who recently lost jobs (and the social and financial support that those jobs provided).

If you’ve experienced anxiety or depression in the past or you feel that you’re more prone to isolation and loneliness right now, make self-care a special priority and be aware that you may need to reach out to a professional for extra help.

9-Focus on balance

Self-care is more important than ever during these tough times. By creating balance in your mind, body, and spirit, you can find the calm that leads to clarity, ward off anxiety and depression, and gain the strength to make decisions that best support you and your family.

If you need help creating balance in your life right now, please schedule a virtual appointment with me. I specialize in assisting teens and adults with depression, anxiety disorders, parenting challenges, and more.

The post Self-Care During Coronavirus: 9 Tips to Beat Loneliness and Isolation appeared first on Serene Shift.

Creating 2020 Resolutions that stick

sereneshift — Mon, 06 Jan 2020 22:10:53 +0000

CREATING 2020 RESOLUTIONS THAT STICK

For many of us, making New Year’s plans goes hand in hand with making new resolutions. It’s a January tradition to celebrate the calendar change with positive changes for ourselves. So why do so many people struggle to stick to resolutions?

WHY NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS ARE TOUGH TO KEEP

Talking about what you want to be different and creating a space inside you for this change to occur are very different. True change always begins from the inside out, not from the outside in.

Oftentimes, we consider what we think will make us happy (more money, losing weight, etc.) rather than getting to the core of what will actually make us happy (self-acceptance, self-compassion, and a healthy mindset, for example).

We also tend to brag about our goals, which can trick our brain into thinking we’ve actually accomplished them. For example, when we tell friends and family members about our 2020 New Year’s resolution, our ego receives positive feedback for something we haven’t yet achieved. These short bits of “false” happiness can actually lull us into complacency.

Another aspect that makes it difficult to create healthy change is fear. When we think about making a change, our brains easily pursue fear and doubt, which puts us in a place of negativity that pushes us toward failure.

The truth is, true healthy change always comes from positive thinking rather than negative thinking or doubt. Growth arises from self-love.

WHAT CAN YOU DO DIFFERENTLY THIS YEAR?

Look back at your last resolutions and see if they stuck. If not, don’t beat yourself up, but there’s no reason to do the same thing and expect different results. This year, focus on shifting your perspective, your thinking, and your ideas of true change. Let’s start with these helpful strategies.

1- Get to the core of what makes you happy. Keep asking why. Why do I think I want to accomplish this? Am I doing this for myself or others?

2- Assess whether your 2020 New Year’s resolution is inspired by self-compassion and love or fear and doubt. Remember that true change comes from positive thoughts.

3- Set the intention to create change by practicing a different kind of thinking. Many of us fall back into ingrained thought patterns that no longer serve us. If you find yourself falling into negative thought loops, it’s time to learn a new way of thinking. (I specialize in helping people “retrain” their brains to learn more positive ways of thinking and establish healthier habits. If you need help this year, please reach out.)

4- Be kind to yourself. You can do this!

The new year is a great time to make positive change in your life, whether that means overcoming addiction or depression, managing anxiety, shifting your perspective, or learning how to be more compassionate to yourself and others.

Just remember that every day is an opportunity for change; you don’t need to wait for New Year’s Eve to take the first step. You can start now and restart and adapt when necessary. We are all a work in progress.

If you need help making your New Year’s resolution stick, or just learning to shift your perspective and thinking at any point during the year, I’m here to assist. I take an integrative approach to treatment that examines the whole you–mind, body, and spirit. Learn more and schedule an appointment now.

The post Creating 2020 Resolutions that stick appeared first on Serene Shift.