Self-Compassion Archives - Serene Shift

Marriage and Family: Navigating Cultural Differences for Healthier Relationships

sereneshift — Mon, 05 Oct 2020 21:02:34 +0000

Marriage and Family: Navigating Cultural Differences for Healthier Relationships

Navigating cultural differences is a large part of what makes traveling so fun. At home, however, differing cultural norms and expectations can lead to tension within marriages or among family members.

Many of my patients struggle to bridge a cultural divide between them and their spouse–who is of a different culture, country, and/or religion–or between immigrant parents and first-generation children. Communicating across this chasm takes understanding, empathy, flexibility, and most importantly, practice.

Below, I explain the most common issues I see between spouses or loved ones of different cultures, such as:

1. Mismatched expectations around gender roles or parenting styles
2. A lack of understanding between parents and children who grew up in different places
3. Communication challenges or hostility between spouses or family members
4. Struggles around moving to America and adapting to everyday cultural differences and expectations

I also share some of the most effective strategies for overcoming these challenges to promote greater love and understanding.

Issue 1: Mismatched expectations around gender roles or parenting roles and styles

In romantic relationships, each of us come with certain assumptions and expectations about how our significant other should behave. These expectations about gender roles and parenting styles may be pretty far apart when partners come from different cultures and backgrounds.

For example, a woman born in China may believe that her spouse should be the sole family provider for their nuclear family while she raises the kids. The American husband may believe that both spouses should work full-time to support the family while a nanny provides the childcare. He might also want the family to primarily speak English at home, while his wife and in-laws want to raise the children mostly in Mandarin.

You may not even realize that you hold these internal assumptions around relationships and childcare, or that your partner and extended family don’t agree, until you fight about them for the first time. Experienced again and again, these disagreements cause significant marital and familial conflict.

The Solution:

Like with any type of martial or familial conflict, differing cultural expectations around familial roles and parenting are best resolved through better communication. In couples counseling, I help my patients agree upon their shared vision of the ideal marriage, home in on what each person would like to improve, and create a path forward.

Some general questions that could help you do this in your family or relationship include:

What do you need from me?
What can I do to support you?
How can I make you feel loved?
What can I do to make you happier?
What do you like best about our relationship?
What would our perfect relationship look like?

This is a great way to uncover assumptions and expectations that are leading to disagreements and have calm, positive discussion about how to move forward.

Issue 2: A lack of understanding between parents and children who grew up in different places

Cultural divisions also frequently show up between immigrant parents and first-generation children who grow up in different countries. Although they may be of the same race, their backgrounds could be completely different.

For instance, Korean parents who grew up in post-war South Korea and their Korean-American children growing up in the United States in the 2000s experience very different childhoods that determine their world view, values, communication style, and more. This can lead to consistent friction in the relationship.

Teenagers may feel misunderstood and smothered, causing them to act out in unhealthy ways, which can lead parents to become fearful for their children’s safety and become even more overprotective.

The Solution:

Bridging cultural divides within families comes down to a few essentials:

1. Allowing everyone to feel heard and be receptive about what is trying to be communicated
2. Examining what is needed to feel safe and secure in a relationship
3. Enhancing flexibility and resiliency
4. Managing fear impulses in a sustainable manner
5. Establishing respectful, realistic, and healthy boundaries
6. Replacing unhealthy expectations with realistic and sustainable ones

If you have tried to work through these issues with your family in the past, to no success, you should consider reaching out to a trained psychologist or family therapist. A neutral third-party can be very helpful in moderating emotionally fraught discussions and ensuring they head in a constructive direction.

During these types of discussions, I encourage family members to give everyone a chance to speak. No interrupting or shouting, just listening and then responding when it is your turn. Afterward, we work on setting healthy boundaries together.

For example, if the teenager feels smothered because their parents want to know where they are every minute, we might try phone check-ins at designated times instead. If parents feel that their child doesn’t respect their culture, perhaps agreeing to speak the parents’ native language at home can demonstrate respect and compassion.

Communicating more effectively, making sure everyone feels respected and heard, and enforcing healthy attachment styles can do wonders in overcoming a lack of understanding between family members who grow up in different places.

Issue 3: Moving to America and struggling to fit in or adapt your “old” culture with your “new” one

Moving to a new country makes us question our identity: Who am I in this new place? How do I integrate elements of my home country into my new home? How can I understand and adapt to new cultural norms that may go against my previous culture?

As a new American, your day-to-day life may be very different from what you are accustomed to, which can be uncomfortable.

The Solution:

The key to adapting to a new way of life is learning to be flexible. You may not love everything about your new home, but adopting a mindset of going with the flow and accepting what comes will make the most of your situation. Try the following strategies to stay flexible:

Give yourself time. Everyone who experiences a major life change, such as a move or a divorce, goes through an adjustment period where things feel new and overwhelming. Understand that it may take several months or years before you feel at home, or at least, less overwhelmed.
Be kind. Prioritize self-care, such as cooking your favorite family meals and getting enough sleep. It’s normal to feel homesick, angry, and depressed. You may experience changes in your eating and sleeping habits.
Connect with others and build your support network. Find a new church, join an English language learning group, meet fellow expats. Lean on your family and friends from your previous home when you need to discuss your frustrations or speak your native language.
Stay curious. Think of obstacles like figuring out your bus route or shopping for groceries as opportunities to explore your new life.

Finding the middle ground takes practice

When you are from different cultures, meeting your spouse, family members, or neighbors halfway takes practice. The tips above can put you on the right path toward bridging the gap.

If you need additional help communicating with your partner or family member from another culture, or are struggling to navigate the anxieties of a new life, please reach out to me.

I can guide you through depression, anxiety, couples counseling, and similar issues. Schedule an appointment (video or in-person) with me now.

The post Marriage and Family: Navigating Cultural Differences for Healthier Relationships appeared first on Serene Shift.

How to Manage Anxiety and Panic Attacks More Effectively

sereneshift — Sat, 01 Aug 2020 22:18:37 +0000

How to Manage Anxiety and Panic Attacks More Effectively

How much time and mental energy do we spend stressing about what could occur tomorrow, next month, or next year? How often do we worry about trying to prevent something that might never happen?

Anxiety is the body’s way of responding to stressful situations, creating a fight-or-flight response in the face of danger. When your sympathetic nervous system activates, it increases heart rate and alertness, preparing you for action.

Occasional anxiety can be helpful when responding to a serious threat or in less deadly situations that need our attention, like preparing for a job interview.

Frequent anxiety and panic attacks, however, can be very harmful to mental and physical health. If you are constantly in activation mode, geared up for action and anxious and worried over everyday events, your body and mind can become debilitated.

Developing healthy habits to prevent and respond to anxiety is essential for staying calm, happy, and at your best. In this article, I’m explaining what you need to know about anxiety:

The causes and symptoms of anxiety
How to manage anxiety in the short and long term
How to get through panic attacks
Strategies for minimizing everyday anxiety and feeling calmer and more grounded

Types of Anxiety Disorders and Symptoms

We’ve all experienced anxiety at one time or another. It’s normal to sometimes worry about things like performing well at work or school, raising kids, and going on a first date.

Anxiety disorders go beyond normal worrying. People with anxiety disorders experience frequent, intense, and persistent worry about everyday scenarios. Common symptoms include the following.

Feeling nervous, tense, or restless
A sense of panic or impending doom
Trouble focusing on anything but worrying
Feeling weak or tired
Fatigue and/or trouble sleeping
Higher than normal heart rate
Sweating and/or trembling
Hyperventilation

Anxiety disorders come in many forms. Below are three of the most common types.

Generalized anxiety disorder: Excessive worrying or fear for little or no reason. The worry and fear can be constant and debilitating.
Panic disorder: Sudden and overwhelming fear that triggers a panic attack. Symptoms of a panic attack include chest pain, excessive sweating, noticeable heartbeat (palpitations), and shortness of breath.
Social anxiety disorder: Intense worrying or self-consciousness in social situations. People with social anxiety disorder may obsess over being embarrassed in front of others.

What Causes Anxiety?

Triggers are cues in the environment which can lead to anxiety. They can be external or caused internally via the senses. Common anxiety triggers include:

Sensations (such as smell or touch) that remind you of a traumatic event, such as a medical emergency
Revisiting traumatic areas, like a certain room or street
Overwhelming environments
Thoughts of the future or past
Thoughts about something you haven’t finished
Focusing on something you wished was different or didn’t happen
Financial stress
Health conditions and/or medications
Thinking about anxiety (anxiety or panic attacks can be triggered by the mere thought of having anxiety)

Normally, anxiety is a natural and temporary response to stress. However, it is important to note that frequent feelings of anxiety condition our brains to have more anxiety in the future.

If you’ve gone through this and now experience constant anxiety or fear that becomes overwhelming, you may be dealing with an anxiety disorder.

How to Manage Anxiety

Shifting to a healthier, more sustainable way of thinking is not easy. How does anyone break unhealthy habits? The answer is: greater awareness.

Our brains are so complex, yet can be simple when we really understand the wiring that forms unhealthy results. To alter unhealthy habits, our brains need new information in order to carve out new pathways that lead to different results.

By noticing the negative results of your actions–for example, worrying about tomorrow immediately makes it more difficult to breathe–you become more aware of your behavior and sensations.

This creates more clarity and understanding so you can begin to “uncondition” your brain and have a healthier attachment with anxiety. You can find a path to reset your brain and create more effective behavior. The more aware you are, the less overwhelming anxiety and panic attacks will be.

To address anxiety long-term:

1. Pay attention to your triggers.

2. Notice how they make you feel.

3. Be curious and investigate the behaviors they create.

Greater awareness can help to reset unhealthy behaviors and improve health and quality of life in the long run.

For your day-to-day needs, try implementing one of the following strategies. Once you’ve mastered that one, move on to the others.

1. Breath into anxiety

Anxiety can cause shallow breathing or shortness of breath, which can sometimes lead to even greater anxiety. In these moments, focus on your breathing. Mindful breathing is an easy way to relieve anxiety, decrease stress and depression, and help with chronic pain.

1. Sit or stand in a quiet area. Close your eyes.

2. Put your hands on your stomach.

3. Breathe in “calm” through your nose for 5 counts, hold for 5 counts. Open your mouth and breath out “anxiety” for 5 counts.

4. Notice your stomach rise and fall. Feel your heartbeat slow and become more even.

5. Do this 5 times.

6. Ask: What do you notice in your body?

Quick tip: Many of my patients also find it helpful to count breaths in order to calm themselves. For example, breathe in on 1, breath out on 2. Repeat, continuing to count 1-2, 1-2, or count up to 10 before starting over.

2. Examine your body (Body Scan)

In moments of extreme anxiety, shift your attention and focus to your physical sensations in your body.

Can you hear your heart beating?
Do you notice more sensations in the right or left side of your chest?
Do you feel heat in your chest?
Does your chest feel heavy or hollow?
What do you notice in your stomach?
Do you notice pressure, tension, tightness, emptiness, heaviness, heat, a prickly feeling, unease, pain, fidgeting, restlessness?
How does your jaw feel?

Embrace your attention with curiosity. The more specific and curious you are with the sensations in your body, the more resilience you will build when experiencing anxiety symptoms.

This is one technique that will guide you to lean toward your difficult sensations (resilience and strength) rather than resisting them (which makes anxiety symptoms worse).

3. Notice what you are experiencing

One quick tip that I often share with my patients: bring awareness to what is already happening. When a panic attack hits, recognize that you’re having a panic attack and know that it will eventually pass.

Accept that you know what is happening, you know what to do, and that you will be okay. Remember that when you recognize your triggers, you are better prepared to handle triggers differently.

4. Build practical and daily routines

Having a practical daily routine creates space for you to feel secure, clear your mind, and ground yourself for your day. This will maximize your chances of being able to handle anxiety or panic more effectively and enhance your ability to regulate difficult emotions.

To start your routine, wake up a little earlier than you need to start your day. Spend 5 minutes in the morning alone to ground yourself.

For example: wake up, close your eyes for a body scan, then do 10 segments of short breathing exercises (counting 1-2, 1-2, etc.). Finish off by writing 3 things you are most thankful for today. When you get in the shower, bring attention to how the water feels on your back.

Also, give your body what it needs to thrive throughout the day. Eating a healthy diet is essential to good physical and mental health. Some foods in particular have been linked with reduced anxiety:

Salmon
Chamomile tea and green tea
Yogurt and other probiotic foods
Dark chocolate
Turmeric

Be sure to eat properly portioned meals at regular intervals to keep your energy levels consistent.

Lastly, don’t forget about the importance of sleep and exercise to your health. Anxiety can manifest physically in the body, especially if experienced long-term. Going to sleep and waking up at the same time every day takes care of your body and mind, injects calmness into your life, and minimizes anxiety.

5. Limit news and social media

In this fast-paced world, FOMO (the fear of missing out) can leave us glued to social media and news outlets. Endless feeds can make us addicted to the constant stream of information, much of which is negative and dramatic.

Experts call our addiction to negative news “doom scrolling.” This behavior can significantly contribute to anxiety and panic attacks.

Be aware of how actions affect your mental health. Notice what increases anxiety, such as ingesting too much news or social media. Assess whether you are more anxious after watching hours of the news and whether it is difficult for you to unplug from the constant stimulation.

These are indications that you may need to minimize news and social media. Ask yourself, “Is watching/reading/listening to this going to be helpful for me?” If the answer is no, realize that you have the control to walk away from something that is harmful to you.

6. Don’t avoid your anxiety — focus on what you can change

When faced with anxiety and/or panic attacks it’s often tempting to avoid triggers altogether, but trying to distract yourself from symptoms will also increase symptoms.

If you notice the symptoms coming, let them come. Ask yourself, “In this moment, what do I have control of?” Then, continue to identify your triggers and work on building a healthy response to anxiety-inducing situations in order to build resilience.

If you need assistance along the way, I am an experienced psychologist who specializes in anxiety disorders, depression, and more. I help patients “reset” ingrained thinking spirals that cause and exacerbate anxiety, and guide them toward a more serene life.

Contact me now to schedule a virtual appointment.

The post How to Manage Anxiety and Panic Attacks More Effectively appeared first on Serene Shift.

Going Back to Work After Coronavirus Lockdown: 5 Ways to Thrive

sereneshift — Mon, 01 Jun 2020 20:25:08 +0000

Going Back to Work After Coronavirus Lockdown: 5 Ways to Thrive

As shelter-in-place orders relax and people start returning to work and everyday life, we’re finally saying goodbye to cabin fever. But COVID-19 isn’t gone, leaving many of us with questions while going back to work or searching for a new job:

Is it safe to go back to work?
What things should we take into consideration when going back to work or looking for a new job?
How can we manage anxiety, stress, overwhelm, or rejection when returning to work or searching for a new job?

Below, I’m sharing 5 strategies to help you and your family stay well and thrive during this period of transition.

1. Accept that things may be different

While being able to go back to work can be a reassuring sign of improvement for both your life and the economy, it also doesn’t mean that everything will be perfect as soon as you walk in the office doors.

You may still be anxious about personal issues (the risk of getting sick, financial troubles, finding childcare, etc.), overwhelmed about being in close quarters with others after months of social isolation, less enthused than before about work, or missing coworkers who have been laid off.

To combat these negative feelings, try to remind yourself that change is a natural part of life. More than that, change can be great: getting outside of your comfort zone often leads to exciting opportunities and a new appreciation for aspects of life you previously overlooked, such as the ability to catch up with coworkers in person.

Your new work routine (or even your job itself) may not be exactly the same as before coronavirus, but recognizing that change can be positive–and that you have the ability to adapt to anything that comes your way–may soothe some anxiety about returning to work.

2. Develop resilience

In “Coronavirus: 5 Hidden Positives the Media Doesn’t Talk About,” I explain how important developing resilience–the ability to get through difficult circumstances–is during coronavirus. Resilience can help us stay mentally healthy and ward off negative feelings like anxiety, isolation, and depression.

Fortunately, resilience is a skill that anyone can develop. If you’ve lost a job or are going through financial difficulties, use the following tips to dust yourself off and push through what feels like a hopeless situation. You can come out on the other side stronger than before.

Embrace change.
Know that hope isn’t lost. You’ve made it through hardships before and you’ll do it again, so it’s best not to focus on the negative.
Practice optimism. Reflect on your skills and achievements, allowing yourself to feel confident about your past successes and those you can accomplish in a future job with those same traits.
Understand yourself and your needs. Practice self-care.
Look at what is causing you worry and stress, and then tackle those things. For example, if you’re worried about your health, take action to stay healthy–eat healthy foods, exercise regularly, and sleep enough. This could assuage your worries and leave your mind calmer.
Lean on your support network.
List achievable goals and break them down into actionable steps. These may be personal or work objectives. Setting realistic goals leads to progress and keeps your spirits up, which encourages further excitement about the future.

3. Work where you’re comfortable

Being able to go into work again can’t come soon enough for some, but others are understandably still wary about venturing into public due to health concerns.

Assess how comfortable you are with physically going into a workplace. What specific worries do you have about rejoining the workspace? Has your company (or the companies you’re applying to) put sufficient improvements in place to protect employees as much as possible?

If you’re not comfortable with your current employer’s response, speak with your manager or HR department about other arrangements. If you’re applying to a new role, speak to your recruitment contact about what preparations the company has put in place.

Don’t be afraid to have a discussion about flexible working arrangements, especially if you are immunocompromised or have close family members who are at risk. It never hurts to ask about working shifts that avoid high-traffic office hours or working from home. If you do end up working from home, use tip #4 to set yourself up for success.

4. Set boundaries between home and work

While working remotely can minimize the health worries of being among a large group of coworkers, it provides its own unique challenges. The two biggest issues people come to me about are:

The blurring between work time and home time
Feelings of isolation.

Without an option to physically leave the office at the end of the day, many of us tend to put in longer hours and feel like we’re constantly “on.” To combat this and protect your mental health, establish boundaries.

For example, try an “office hours” schedule with built-in breaks, a lunch hour, and a specific time to clock out. A good routine will ward off burnout. Along the same lines, blocking off 15 minutes to transition from the job mindset to a home mindset at the end of the workday can also smooth your mental shift towards relaxation time.

Think about it as time you’d normally spend driving home and decompressing from the day. Incorporate relaxing activities that typically help you separate yourself from work, such as listening to music or taking a rejuvenating walk.

5. Reach out for support

As coronavirus lockdown relaxes, it’s important to recognize that this is still a chaotic time and you may need extra support. If you need help getting through these uniquely challenging times, I’m available for virtual telehealth sessions using Zoom to discuss:

Anxiety
Fear
Overwhelm (lack of consistent schedule)
Panic disorders
Social isolation and loneliness
Depression
Insomnia
Parenting challenges
And more

I offer flexible scheduling to fit your needs. Please schedule your virtual telehealth appointment with me today.

The post Going Back to Work After Coronavirus Lockdown: 5 Ways to Thrive appeared first on Serene Shift.

Healing From Grudges: How to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You

sereneshift — Thu, 27 Feb 2020 18:48:02 +0000

Healing From Grudges: How to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You

“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemy.” – Nelson Mandela

As much as we’d like to be, none of us are perfect. We all wrong and are wronged by others, whether intentionally or accidentally. At times we even mistreat and disappoint ourselves.

When this happens, you might feel resentful and angry, hold grudges, or even fantasize about taking revenge for crimes committed against you. You may struggle to find compassion for yourself or overcome strong emotions like guilt and shame.

These negative feelings are perfectly natural, but they can keep you from happiness and affect your physical health. Learning how to let go of slights and forgive can help you live a healthier, happier, and more peaceful life.

Why forgiveness is important

Buddha says, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else: you are the one who gets burned.”

Failing to let go of resentment can lead to chronic anger which places you in a constantly aroused state. Living in this fight or flight mode can cause increased heart rate, blood pressure, and immune response.

These changes can, in turn, lead to limiting and sometimes life threatening conditions like heart disease, diabetes, and depression.

It’s all too easy to hold a grudge, but learning how to actively practice forgiveness, whether for regular daily events or large life altering situations, can lead to a range of health benefits including:

Reduced anxiety and stress
Lower blood pressure
A stronger immune system
Improved heart health
Greater self-esteem
Reduced symptoms of depression.

By forgiving others or yourself, you’ll replace anger, guilt, and anxiety with peace and love.

But what does forgiveness really mean?

Although forgiveness can mean different things to different people, it’s generally understood as the process of letting go of anger, resentment, and thoughts of avenging a wrong that’s been inflicted on us.

When anger hardens, bitterness and resentment can grow–leading to a closed-off, rigid and limited life. Forgiveness can be a liberating and enriching experience and an opportunity for growth that helps us understand, empathize with, and show compassion for others, even if they haven’t extended us the same courtesy.

Forgiveness can also be extended to ourselves. Though the act of forgiveness will never right a wrong or erase history, it can help us feel more in control of our lives and more powerful when dealing with painful experiences in the future.

Common misconceptions about forgiveness

Many of us have deep rooted preconceptions or misconceptions about forgiveness that can act as barriers to letting go and moving on. It may be helpful to reframe our ideas about forgiveness so we can begin to see the benefits.

Forgiveness is not excusing, denying, or forgetting about actions that have caused you suffering.
Forgiveness is a personal process. You don’t have to tell someone who wronged you that you’ve forgiven them, unless it feels helpful to do so.
Forgiveness may not lead to instant ‘closure.’ It can be an ongoing process that we practice daily.
Forgiving someone for a misdemeanor like infidelity does not mean the situation is resolved and no further work needs to be done.
Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to keep them in your life.
Forgiveness shouldn’t be undertaken for the benefit of the person who wronged you (unless that person is yourself!).

When forgiveness is difficult

We all encounter circumstances where forgiveness is beneficial–both for ourselves and for others. It may be easy to let go of the short-lived anger you feel when someone cuts you off while driving or fails to hold a door open for you.

However, it’s much more difficult to move on from a deep wrong or betrayal that was performed by someone you love, respect, or trust. Situations where forgiving someone else would be difficult might include:

Discovering that your partner or spouse is having an affair.
Learning that a coworker, friend, or family member spoke badly about you behind your back.
Being fired from a job for a situation that you feel you weren’t responsible for.
Suffering mental or physical abuse at the hands of someone who should have cared for you.

Similarly, forgiving yourself can be difficult if:

You acted dishonestly and felt ashamed of your actions (for instance, if you took credit for work that wasn’t your own).
You acted irresponsibly or impulsively and harmed others by doing so.
You were unable to bring a perceived ‘weakness’ under control, like an addiction, eating disorder, or depression, and criticized yourself for not being ‘stronger.’
You experienced negative thoughts about or judged someone else too harshly.

How to forgive yourself or someone else

For many of us, especially those of us who struggle with self-acceptance and low self-esteem, forgiveness doesn’t happen naturally. Instead, we must commit to a process of turning anger and suffering into freedom and acceptance.

Here are 7 simple strategies you can use when trying to forgive yourself or someone else.

1. Identify
Identify what damage has taken place: who needs to be forgiven and for what?

2. Acknowledge
Acknowledge your feelings and the impact they have on your daily life, including any behaviors you’ve developed to cope with them. Instead of resisting feelings, simply label them like, “This is fear.”

3. Reframe
Reframe the way you perceive yourself, moving from a picture of you as a wronged victim to someone who’s in control and able to make positive changes.

4. Accept
Accept the person who wronged you as a flawed human being and appreciate that we are all capable of inflicting hurt on others.

5. Imagine
When you were hurt, it’s likely the other person was trying to have a need met – what was this need and why might the person have acted how they did? Imagine the person as an innocent child, scared and unsure how to act.

6. Notice
When you have repeating, ruminating negative thoughts about something that was done to you, notice these thoughts, stop yourself in the moment, and direct yourself back to the present. Notice the sounds around you, the smells in the air, the colors you see.

7. Consider
Accept the healing value of forgiveness and consider how it could enhance your life.

As you let go of grudges, you’ll no longer define your life by how you’ve been hurt. Through forgiving yourself and/or others, you’ll find compassion and understanding and open the door for peace in your life.

I understand that oftentimes, this is easier said than done. If you need help forgiving someone else, treating yourself with compassion, and living in the present, please schedule an appointment with me now.

The post Healing From Grudges: How to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You appeared first on Serene Shift.

7 Ways to Guide Your Child Through Tragedy

sereneshift — Mon, 27 Jan 2020 11:00:30 +0000

7 Ways to Guide Your Child Through Tragedy

The sudden death of Kobe Bryant, his young daughter Gianna, and seven others in a tragic helicopter accident have left families shaken, particularly around my Newport Beach community where many of the victims called home. During tough times like these, parents often struggle to help their children process news and work through intense emotions like anxiety, fear, and depression.

In this article, you will learn how to guide your child through a tragedy, particularly events that affect your larger community. We will discuss:

How to move past traumatic news event that can keep us stuck
Ways to make sense of news about a tragic death
Tips for ensuring we don’t fall into unhealthy patterns during grieving
How to respond positively for our children during tough times

How tragic current events can impact children

Most of us, including children and teenagers, hear news on TV, social media, and text quickly and often. News channels may break a story and then continue to play the same chaotic scene or coverage over and over again, overdramatizing coverage or adding misinformation.

Repeated exposure to these frantic news cycles can cause anxiety and obsessive ruminating thoughts in teenagers and children. It’s not uncommon for children to lose a sense of security and become fearful, developing fear as a defense mechanism to feel more in control of their chaotic surroundings and emotions.

These fears may be directly related to the situation at hand. For example, after hearing news of Kobe Bryant’s death, it’s understandable for children to become afraid of anything related to flying, helicopters, death, being away from home, or being alone.

Discovering a traumatic death on the news can also trigger other emotions from past trauma or a past death, such as the death of a grandparent, which can increase anxiety, fear, depression, insomnia, and repeated negative thinking.

Strategies to help your family through tough times

We need to be careful about what our children are exposed to and model healthy coping behaviors during difficult times. Assisting your child with developing healthy, sustainable coping skills is vital to ensuring they do not pursue unhealthy behaviors that create more suffering.

That brings us to the million-dollar question: how can we best teach our children to embrace tragedy with more strength?

1- You’ve probably heard the phrase “Put your own oxygen mask on first.” After hearing tragic news, identify what you need in any given moment for your own support. Ground yourself and treat yourself with compassion to create internal strength, so you can better assist your family.

2- Monitor your child’s social media, device, and TV exposure. Try to avoid having the TV on all day.

3- Be aware and notice any behavior that is not typical of your child. If they want space, this might be normal, but keep an eye out for any extreme or atypical behaviors such as: lack of appetite, not sleeping, isolation, not socializing, and extreme anger. Seek help if you notice extreme or dangerous behaviors.

4- After tragedy, you might be tempted to isolate yourself and avoid socializing or talking about tough topics. Your child, however, may need to work through questions and emotions by talking. If that’s the case, listen with full attention and focus when your child is talking to you. Make eye contact and show them that you are listening.

5- Similarly, be open to answering difficult questions if they are age-appropriate.

6- It’s okay to not know everything. Feel free to say “I don’t know” or “That’s a good question.” Sometimes just listening to your child is more meaningful than knowing all the answers.

7- Allow space for your child to experience any emotions, and try your best to assist them in staying present with their emotions and embracing them with kindness.

Experiencing difficult emotions is part of the healing process, so go through this process with your child, embracing it with loving, connected presence. Responding to a tragedy is never easy but it can be a wonderful opportunity to help your child and bring your family closer together.

If you need further guidance during tough times, please don’t be afraid to reach out for professional help. Make a virtual or in-person appointment today.

The post 7 Ways to Guide Your Child Through Tragedy appeared first on Serene Shift.